Super-Granny
When you're a retired superhero it gets harder and harder to find a place where you are excepted, for some reason when a 60 year old woman who says she can fly, people label you as "crazy". One lonely day while the others were off playing shuffle board I thought where can I go where crazy is normal and a superhero can fit in, Las Vegas! The first month there was tough but the fifth month I met a fellow superhero. He's Robin's cousin Bluejay, we got married a week later. Our marriage lasted a month before a "freak accident" happened with Catman. Lets just say making a bird a cat's sidekick not a good idea.
In your 1st sentence it says " when your" it needs to say, "When you're"(you are).
ReplyDeleteYou need a comma after when a 60 year old woman says she can fly (comma)people...
Also you say " the first month there was though" Its supposed to be tough.
I really liked your story!
I really like your story I think you need some commas in there.
ReplyDeleteI think you can start a new sentence after excepted. You need a comma after day and a comma after board. I think you can have quotation marks around the inner thoughts, and a comma after tough. Your story is really creative, and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI think you can make some sentences a bit short and you can just add some more powerful language. Good job in your story this week !
ReplyDeleteAn interesting perspective for this weeks prompt. I like how you use a senior to be the superhero character in your story. I see that you have used some of the feedback left by your peers. Near the end I find it gets confusing because you start introducing may new characters. I like how you are trying to have a pun on the name of the characters and I think it works but could be better with some revising of the sentences to help tell your story.
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