How I to become a statue
"What have you done". I yelped as I hung over a vat of molten copper.
"You and your friends stole from me Joseph you must be punished". Mr. Benit shouted with anger.
"I guess the disguises weren't that good of an idea after all". My friend Danny said with humour as he hung next to me and my other friend Thomas.
"Well who would of thought I was a poor man, my hair is amazing you can't get this volume on the streets". Thomas exclaimed.
"Oh will you three be quiet I'm trying to kill you". Mr. Benit cried in a girly tone. They were so busy talking they didn't even notice Mr. Benit pull the lever to drop them. That was their last memory before they ended up a statue of three men talking.
"You and your friends stole from me Joseph you must be punished". Mr. Benit shouted with anger.
"I guess the disguises weren't that good of an idea after all". My friend Danny said with humour as he hung next to me and my other friend Thomas.
"Well who would of thought I was a poor man, my hair is amazing you can't get this volume on the streets". Thomas exclaimed.
"Oh will you three be quiet I'm trying to kill you". Mr. Benit cried in a girly tone. They were so busy talking they didn't even notice Mr. Benit pull the lever to drop them. That was their last memory before they ended up a statue of three men talking.
I'm kind of confused about the whole story. Try cleaning it up a little and reading it over. Also you need to return the sentence when someone starts talking. I do like how you were telling a story of how they became statues! Very creative.
ReplyDeleteI'm just confused on what's happening in your story. You should also use another line when someone started speaking. Good job in your story !
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused. You probably want to clean your story up a bit, because it is hard to tell who is saying what. Remember to use the feedback given to you.
ReplyDelete