My Horror Movie Experience
As I got older my misgeveus started to fade and a whole new genre of worry grew and that's how this story happened. It was a cold summers night my mom and dad were both working and my brother was at his friends house so I was home alone. Now usually I'm not afraid to be home alone but that night I just felt like something bad was going to happen so I was a little scared, but under all that fear I decided to watch a horror movie about a murder. Not a good movie choice on my part. Half way through the movie I heard the electric lock trying to open and it kept not working so I sat there for a minute until I decided to get up to see who was out there, but before I could the door opened and there it was my very angry mom yelling at me for not opening the door. Let's just say that was the last time I decided to stay home alone for awhile.
I really like ur story. I think you are missing a couple of comments.
ReplyDeleteI like your story but the first sentence is a bit choppy. You need a comma after it was a cold winters night (comma) my mom...
ReplyDeleteAlso after "something bad was going to happen (comma) so...
Other than that its very interssting and a
Really good story!
I think you meant to say mishchevious in the first line. Your story is very creative, but the story doesn't seem to flow as much. Maybe you could change some periods to commas, or add commas into your existing sentences.
ReplyDeleteI liked the twist on the ending. I think your story is not 100 or 107 words so I suggest that you can remove some of the words. I think your third line is a bit long but great job on your story.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers to improve your story. I agree with some of you peers on their ideas to help improve fluency. Also your story does seem to be over 100 words. Make sure you read your story out loud as it will help you catch errors in your sentences.
ReplyDelete