A Serious Case Of The Broccoli's
“What have you done?” my cousin screeched.
“what are you talking about?” I said with a smirk.
“Come on, you must have put some chemical gas in the swimming pool to turn me green?” she inquired sounding annoyed.
“Stop being so emotional!" I said smiling it's likely to come out in a few days.”
“A few days, emotional, I'm a dancer I can't go on stage looking like broccoli!” she uttered dramatically.
“If it makes you feel better you'll be the cutest broccoli out there.” I spoke in a sweet tone.
“Okay.” she said in a mischievous way
“But remember I can get you back anywhere and anytime so watch out”. Now whenever she comes over I'm terrified.
I'm a little bit over the word limit so if you can find some words I can take out.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful with your punctuations and capitalize the first word of every line. Your story was great overall.
ReplyDeleteIn your 2nd sentence you need a capital, also after when u say "she said in a mechivious way" it needs a period. Great story though.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers. Missing some important capitals. I like how you added in the part about the broccoli as it adds some light humour to your story. Read your story out loud as it will help you pick up little things to revise.
ReplyDelete