100 word challenge week 6
My Masterpiece
When I was young I was a very mischievous child, I ate lipstick, I poured glitter in my hair, I even shared pudding with the dog. That was all very fun but one day I decided that just wasn't enough, I just had to make our walls "beautiful". That was the perfect day to do it it was just me and my dad, he was busy and I made sure to work silently. I grabbed the Vaseline and smeared on the walls then "lightly" dusted my dog and our Vaseline covered walls with a huge bottle of baby powder. By the time my mom came home she was shocked to see my masterpiece and our dog covered in baby powder terrified for life. Let's just say that was the last time I was left alone with my dad.
I really like the beginning of your story. I think you could just add more powerful words to improve your story.
ReplyDeleteYou need a comma after fun. You also put 'it' twice when you were describing that it was the perfect day. You also need a comma after powder. Other than those few mistakes, your story is really good and funny.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, as your opening line really captures the reader. I want to read more just to hear what other mischievous things the character did. There is one line in the middle of your writing that is a bit confusing "That was the perfect day to do it it was... ". If you try revising the order of words it will help with the flow of your story.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story it made me want to read more from the biggining
ReplyDelete