All You Need Is Friends
“Light the candles.” My mom said quickly.
“Okay!” I replied sarcastically.
As we finished lighting all the candles, it was later in the day but we decided to take advantage of it and invited some friends over to enjoy the power outage with us and play board games. The night went on and on, filled with laughter and big personalities. As the night was about to end and as the flame flickered and then went out we learned that you don’t need electronics to have a fun night you just need amazing friends and awesome conversations.
I liked how you learned a lesson at the end. I don't get how you said " it was later in the day but we decided to take advantage of it."
ReplyDeleteI liked at the end of your story you said you don't need electronics to have fun. Maybe you can change when you say the light flickerd and went out. You kinda just add it in. good story!
ReplyDeleteLove your story! I can tell that you put your personality into it. Also I like the ending a lot, good job!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could put the 'as the flame flickered and then went out' on the other part of your story because I was confused on that part . I like how you paid attention on your punctuations. I also like the message of your story. Maybe you could also turn your first sentence into two parts. Good job in your story.
ReplyDeleteHello jjmonkey,
ReplyDeleteI found your story an interesting read, one with a lesson for us all said so well in your final sentence. Well done.
Reading through the comments you received from your class members, I found them supportive. They raised some interesting points to help you so I need not add anything. Of course, you are the writer developing your own style so how you write and share your adventures is your choice.
Having come from an era when black and white television was a new device, computers were only for universities (colleges) and big business, and phones were definitely not mobile, the value of "amazing friends and awesome conversations" was a part of everyday life. Thank you for reminding us of the value they can be.
Please keep entering the 100 WC. Story writing is a form of sharing much like sitting around a campfire and telling stories but now it can be with the world.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia