The Power Outage
It was a dark and stormy night my friend Talia and I were home alone watching scary movies. We were halfway through our second movie when the phone rang. It was my mom. She told us that there might be a power outage. Instantly, after she called, we stocked up on candles, flashlights and, because we had just finished our second horror movie, a kitchen knife and a baseball bat. Suddenly, after gathering our supplies, the power went out. By the time my mom got home, it was early morning and she found us in the corner holding a baseball bat and giant flashlight. The moral of the story is never watch a horror movie on a dark and stormy night.
Your sentences are a bit short and choppy. You might want to combine two sentences together to give it some variety. I like your story idea. I like how you added the fact that you grabbed a kitchen knife and a baseball bat.
ReplyDeleteI quite like your story and how it had a morral of the story. You have a few run on sentence, so you could get rid of some of the commas and replace them with periods. I like how you described what you looked like when your mom came home, it gave an image in my head. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your story and I also like how it ends. You really paid attention to your punctuations. Im just confused on the line, 'because we had just finished our second horror movie, a kitchen knife and a baseball bat. Good job in your story !
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